Emma

Our black cat Em looks out the picture window from the window seat

Seven years ago in December, the day after my wife and I flew back from my grandmother’s funeral, our cat Templeton unexpectedly had to be euthanized. A couple of weeks later when we had some time off for Christmas, we decided to adopt another cat or two from the Oregon Humane Society to keep our cat Scout company. I made a list of all the cats that they thought might do well in a multi-cat home and off we went.

I wanted a black cat as I think they’re beautiful and had never had one (my wife had one before we met), and they had several adorable black kittens, so we requested to see one. But earlier my wife had seen a little orange kitten, a bit older than the others, who wasn’t in the playroom with the younger kittens but in a cage by himself. She decided she wanted to see him first, so we canceled the request for the black kitten and had them bring the orange one instead. He purred even as they brought him into the meeting room and snuggled all over us, and we knew we had found the first cat to adopt.

I was amused by the way a young black cat was sleeping in one of the rooms, and since she was on the list and we had already settled on one young kitten, asked to see her instead of one of the black kittens. She was shy when they brought her into the room, shy but sweet, and she was coming home with us.

The orange kitten we named Sam. The black cat we named Emma.

The Humane Society had some temporary cardboard cat carriers that had been festively decorated for the holidays and we soon discovered just how temporary her carrier would be. Once home we left her in it briefly while setting up her room and soon discovered Emma hanging halfway out of the side of the carrier, having chewed a hole in the side large enough to get halfway out but not quite large enough to make her escape.

We freed her once we her room was ready   and so began our wonderful journey together.

The cardboard cat carrier that our cat Emma chewed a hole in when we adopted her on December 22, 2007. Original: _MG_6278.CR2

I have many fond memories of Emma but one of the most treasured is from a couple of years ago when Scout died unexpectedly at just twelve years old. Scout and I had an unusually close bond, she usually was within arm’s reach when I was home, and her death was quite difficult for me. At the same time work was extremely hectic and left me frazzled each day for months on end. Sam had grown quite close to Scout and often snuggled on my lap so he could be close to both of us. Her death affected him deeply too and while he didn’t stop snuggling with me completely, he often went off on his own, leaving me at times alone in my office.

Emotionally it was a brutal winter and spring and it’s hard to look back on that time with any fondness but for this: Emma came to my rescue. While she had always hung out with me at times, now she was frequently snuggled up on my legs, either stretched out lengthwise or adorably snuggling with her arms wrapped around a leg. She would never curl up in my lap or on my chest, she seemed to always consider that the territory of Scout and Sam, but my legs became her home. Sometimes she’d snore when she fell asleep, quietly of course, because everything Emma did was quiet. What comfort she brought during a long and difficult period of my life.

Our cat Emma relaxes with one arm on my leg as we watch Formula 1 racing

She loved making biscuits on my stomach and during that time kicked into high gear, endlessly kneading my stomach as she closed her eyes and purred. She’d start standing up and would eventually rest on her haunches but she’d never lay down completely, even though it seemed like a part of her desperately wanted to. Sometimes she’d bend her front legs so close to my chest that I thought she’d lie down, but for whatever reason she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. I kept telling her the spot was hers if she wanted it, that she’d be so much happier if she’d just lie down, but she never would. But she’d keep on kneading, even drooling because it made her so happy, purring her beautiful purr.

I figured in a year or two she’d relent and lie down and turn into a full-fledged lap cat. Sadly she didn’t have that long. While there were times in the last few months when she finally did lie down in my lap or on my chest, she never relaxed and never stayed long, always moving a few feet down to my legs where she felt most comfortable, and there she’d purr and settle in.

In the last few weeks of her life after she stopped eating cat food my wife discovered she’d devour baby food. I was off work for several weeks at Christmas and Em and I developed a charming ritual where when she wanted to eat she’d silently walk into my office, I’d get up and follow her into the kitchen, and she’d eat a jar of baby food. If she came in so quietly that I didn’t hear her, she’d give a single quiet chirp to get my attention. I’d sit with her as she ate to make sure the other pets, all confused by how Em had cracked the magic code to get fed whenever she wanted, didn’t steal her food. This quiet dance would repeat every hour or two and she quickly began putting on weight.

But as heartwarming as this routine was when she was eating, it was equally heartbreaking when she wasn’t. As her disease progressed eventually she couldn’t eat much of even the baby food. She was clearly hungry and would come in to ask me to feed her, but when I did she’d eat only small amounts if any at all. She’d look at me as if to say she wanted to eat but couldn’t, and could I find something to get her to eat the way we had the other times? I had to look at her with tears in my eyes and tell her that after all of the medicines and baby food, we were out of options.

I knew then that we had little chance to save her, but Emma had one last gift to give me.

One night near the end, I wanted to stay up in case she was able to eat a bit more, as our only hope was to get her to eat every bit of food she could. Worn out physically and emotionally, I collapsed on the couch, mostly flat on my back but with my head angled up. Emma came into my office but instead of silently waiting for me to feed her, she climbed straight onto my chest and laid down without hesitation, finally claiming the spot as her own. With her face next to mine, she purred so happily as I stroked her back, over and over again, until at long last we both fell asleep.

She didn’t live much longer but I’ll treasure that moment for the rest of my life.

You were deeply loved, Em, and you’re deeply missed.

Emma 2006-2015

Our black cat Emma sleeping at the top of the cat tree

After an unexpectedly severe reaction to her vet visit today, it seemed our sweet little Emma had finally had enough. Enough of the pills, the injections, the hunger, the nausea, her body starving itself to death. She hid in the corner beneath my wife’s desk, something she hadn’t done before. I let her sleep hoping she was just agitated from her shot at the vet and scared from her stress reaction, hoping she would wake up feeling better, but it was not to be.

I brought a pillow down and lay in the darkness nearby to see if she’d climb on my chest and make biscuits on my stomach, a favorite of hers, but she didn’t budge. I went back upstairs and when I came down later saw that she was at the water bowl, hunched over and looking bewildered. When she saw me coming down the stairs she ran and hid under the desk. This wasn’t our Em.

I let her be until my wife got home from work so we could both evaluate her. Emma wouldn’t eat anything, her breathing was heavy, and if we brought her out and held her she’d go right back under the desk when we released her. She hadn’t been eating enough as it was, but at least earlier in the week even though she wasn’t feeling well there were times when she was happy. It seemed now that she was only going to suffer so we took her to the vet to be euthanized.

She died peacefully as we petted her.

To bring an animal into our home, to love them so completely, is to know that one day they will break our hearts. With Em I thought that day was ten years away. She was only eight years old.

Emma is Running Out of Time

For a few weeks, my wife’s suggestion to try baby food when our cat Emma stopped eating cat food worked miracles. We mixed in taurine since that’s something cats need that isn’t in baby food and she ate eagerly to the tune of 7 to 9 jars a day. She went from 7.7 pounds to 9.5 pounds and while her energy levels were still pretty low, they improved from where they had been. It was remarkable to see after watching her waste away for months.

On the other hand, the chemo we started a few weeks ago didn’t seem to be helping with the underlying disease. And now she’s lost her appetite for even baby food. I think the end of her life is near.

I took her to the vet today for blood work to see if the chemo had damaged her bone marrow, which it can in rare cases. She also got an injection of the anti-nausea medicine we’ve been giving her, as with her digestive issues she may not have been absorbing enough of the medicine from the pills. She wants to eat, even comes into my office to ask me to feed her, but she just can’t eat much at once.

After we got back from the vet so when I got home I let her out of her carrier, went to the bathroom, and went to check on her. She was sprawled in the middle of the basement floor where she doesn’t usually sleep, not moving, and her eyes were unresponsive and staring straight ahead. Fearing she had died I ran down the steps and was relieved to see she was alive but her breaths were shallow and rapid. I called the vet and they thought it might be a stress reaction and to check her gums and bring her in if her breathing didn’t return to normal in 10 minutes.

Her gums were a healthy pink and her breathing did slowly calm down, but it’s shaken her up. She was rather irritated with me after she recovered and went down into my wife’s office where it was dark, then back into the corner under the desk. I’m checking on her occasionally but mostly just letting her sleep, as today was unexpectedly hard on her.

She hasn’t eaten since she came home, hopefully she’ll perk up this evening after she’s had a good rest. I’ve stayed home from work the past two days to encourage her to eat, and will stay home the rest of the week as well, as I think her time is running out.

It’s breaking my heart.

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Emma Buys Us Some Time

Our black cat Emma sleeps in the hallway

Emma has had three doses of her chemo drug but it will be another one to three weeks before we know if it is helping. For a while there we weren’t sure if she’d survive long enough for it to matter, as her appetite dropped off severely, but she is devouring baby food and her weight and energy levels are rapidly increasing. She’s come up to snuggle at times and even jumped to the top of the cat tree this afternoon. We’re adding a supplement that isn’t in human food and will still try to get her back on cat food. I don’t know how long it will last, and we still need to get to the bottom of what’s causing her illness, but at this point I’ll take any positive news I can get.

Water

A great egret eats an American bullfrog in the rain at Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge

In 2001 I bought what at the time was my most expensive lens, Canon’s 100-400mm lens. Since then it’s gone with me on every hike and nearly every trip and been one of my most treasured lenses. However the image stabilization system needs repair but I haven’t sent it in as I was hesitant to spend much money on a lens that could benefit from a modern re-design.

To my great delight, Canon finally brought out a new 100-400 lens and I pre-ordered the day of the announcement. It arrived on Friday so Saturday morning I opened it up and took it to my favorite refuge to try it out. One of the nice new features is that the lens has some weatherproofing, which I got to test with my very first pictures when I encountered this egret in the pouring rain. The egret was on the passenger’s side of the car so I slid over, stuck the lens out the window into the rain, and had just got the exposure and focus set when the egret struck into the water, pulling out this small bullfrog.

I meant to frame a little looser but in my haste to even get the shot I didn’t keep the camera quite level, so I rotated and cropped in post. Still I was pleased that with the zoom I was able to pull back and show a bit of the world these animals live in. The egret with its long featherless legs is built to wade in shallow water like this, able to hunt along the water’s edge, looking for frogs and fish in the water and frogs and voles on the land.

I’ve always loved photographing in the rain, especially to show how animals still have to go out into the rain to live their lives, and I’m thankful my favorite hiking lens now can as well.

All I Want For Christmas

Our black cat Emma sleeps underneath the Christmas tree

Emma’s struggles continue and she’s in a fight for her life. Her last hope is a chemo drug that she’ll start tomorrow. We weren’t sure she’d make it long enough to start treatment as last night and this morning she didn’t want to eat much. My wife had the brilliant idea to get some baby food and she’s been eating that today. It’s a stop-gap solution but we’re just trying to keep her strong enough that we can see if the new medicine will help.

All I want this Christmas is for Emma to be healthy again. Here she’s sleeping under the Christmas tree, in previous years she’d spend most of the holidays under the tree but now that she’s sick she’s only there occasionally. It’s been so hard to see my sweet little Em slowly waste away.

Ups & Downs

Our black cat Emma sits on my desk

Emma’s struggles with bowel disease continue. While on the maximum steroid dosage her appetite returned to the point that she was eating several times her normal amount and at least stopped losing weight, even if she wasn’t gaining it. But as we tapered off the steroids the vomiting and loss of appetite returned, so we put her back on the maximum dose.

Her appetite returned and she seemed again to be holding her own but she had a rough night last night full of vomiting and diarrhea. This morning she wouldn’t touch her food and had no energy, although at least she was still drinking water. She had another visit to the vet with some injections and came home a little feisty, which was good to see as this morning I was afraid we were losing her.

She ate some tonight and just came up and kneaded my stomach for a while and purred and purred. She was even getting pretty talkative, unusual for our quiet cat, and now she’s sleeping beside me. It did my heart good to see my little buddy happy again, now we just need to get her healthy too.

Little Respect

Rick Cameron stands in front of Fairy Falls, a small waterfall in the Columbia River Gorge

I took a much needed day off from work to go hiking in the Columbia River Gorge. I got a bit of a late start and intended to hike from Wahkeena Falls to Angel’s Rest but I was having so much fun taking pictures on the way up that by the time I got to Fairy Falls I decided to take a few self-portraits with my new backpack and head back down. The tricky part was standing still for nearly a second, especially since I couldn’t hear when the shutter clicked due to the waterfall so I had to guess at when it was OK to move.

The Columbia River Gorge has a variety of spectacular waterfalls but little Fairy Falls is one of my favorites, I find it so relaxing that every time I see it I think how nice it would be to have even a small version of it in my backyard.

Mr. Boolie Goes to Washington

Rick Cameron stands in front of Mount Rainier

I was trying out a lot of new hiking gear on my weeklong hiking trip in September to Mount Rainier National Park and Olympic National Park. In the picture above, the hiking pants and hat are old, but everything else I’m wearing is new right down to my socks and shoes and undies, and it all worked out rather well. The green wool hoody I’m wearing, an Ibex Hooded Indie, I loved so much when I got home I ordered two more for myself and another for my wife.

The backpack is The Guide’s Pack from Tom Bihn, this was my first time hiking with it and it did great. In the pack were more new items, including an Ibex wool coat (the Shak Lite) and an Outdoor Research rain shell (the Foray), both of which I was wearing earlier in the morning but took off as the sun came out, and both of which got tested over the next few days as the rain and cooler weather rolled in. I can’t speak yet to how they will wear with time, but so far I’m sold on the Ibex wool layers, they’re thin and easy to pack but dried quickly and kept me warm when it was cool but I didn’t overheat in warmer weather. This was my first time not wearing cotton layers and I was surprised at how much more comfortable I was, to the point that I began to feel rather foolish for not having moved away from cotton years ago. The Foray rain shell also did well, not a drop of rain got through and it seemed to breathe better than my previous coat.

My shirts were some new synthetic shirts from a variety of outdoor companies as well as one wool shirt from Ibex, and those too I was pretty happy with. Cotton is still the softest but these performed much better on the trail when I started to sweat and were still plenty comfortable.

Funnily enough it wasn’t my new gear that failed me, but rather my trusted old hiking shoes, I learned the hard way that they aren’t as waterproof as they once were. Fortunately I had brought some other new shoes that I pressed into service, even though I had planned for them to be more general purpose shoes. I’ll pick up some new waterproof hiking shoes this fall.

The Tom Bihn Guide's Pack holding a Canon 500mm lens

The rucksack design of the Guide’s Pack allows it to swallow a variety of loads. I ordered it thinking I’d pack it with my normal hiking gear, but when it arrived I realized it could hold my Canon 500mm telephoto lens. I hiked with the big lens quite a bit on this trip, too much to be honest, as it weighs 8.5 pounds and I wasn’t in good enough hiking shape for that much weight. The backpack has a frame which helped with the weight, but with all the elevation changes I ended up a bit too tired on some days. Normally I’ll carry a more moderate load as I realize this heavy of a load could shorten the life of both the bag and its wearer, but it’s nice to know I can take it on trails where I expect to see a lot of wildlife. Which on this trip meant trails where from past experience I expected to see pikas and marmots and I came away with some pretty nice pictures thanks to the new bag.

Still, I’d like to limit how often I carry that heavy of a lens and will look for something a little more portable than the 500mm lens but that can replace my aging 100-400mm lens, as it is in need of repairs but I’m hesitant to spend much money on it as it lacks some features of more modern lenses (including weather proofing).

Bags for carrying camera gear on a hike

This was my normal hiking setup in terms of the bags I carried, what varied was how much camera gear I carried on any particular hike. The Tripod Quiver (also from Tom Bihn, and also new for this trip) held my Gitzo carbon fiber tripod, while the backpack held either my Canon 500mm lens or the 100-400mm lens, plus extra coats and clothes and food. The Tamrac camera bag held my 100-400mm lens when it wasn’t in the backpack, my Canon 7D SLR, and my Canon M mirrorless camera, plus a water bottle for easy access (new water bottles for the trip too).

I had intended to take the new bags on short hikes closer to home before the trip but ran out of time, so they got pressed into heavy duty service immediately. Not to worry, they both worked out great. I got constantly drenched on multiple days and while the dampness did eventually penetrate the bag, I had everything inside in smaller bags so everything stayed dry. I will probably look into a rain cover for future use, even though I typically don’t have to hike in such a steady rain, but it would be nice to have for emergencies.

One thing I wish I had more of was stuff sacks for the extra coats and clothing I kept in the bag. I had one for one of my layers and attached the bag with key straps to the o-rings in the bag, which made it easy to find and access when I wanted to put on the jacket. But I didn’t have stuff sacks for the other layers and their zippers scratched the paint on the big white lens. Easy enough to rectify on my next Tom Bihn order.

The Tripod Quiver I originally intended to attach to the backpack but found that carrying it on its own with the Absolute Strap was both comfortable and convenient. I took the tripod on every hike, something I’ve been loathe to do in the past, so that worked out nicely.

All in all the new gear worked out well and made for more enjoyable hiking.

The Tamrac camera bag certainly wasn’t new, I bought it the mid-1990’s and it has been with me on every hike since. Like the Tom Bihn bags, it was made here in the United States, and even outlived the company that made it. I was in graduate school when I bought it based on some research, as even though it wasn’t very expensive, every dollar was precious back then. Even so I never would have believed it would be my hiking partner two decades later, but here we are. It fits nicely in overhead bins of even puddle jumpers, so it’s easy to take on trips.

The Tom Bihn Guide's Pack in front of Mount Rainier

Since it can sometimes be hard to judge the size of things when online shopping, I thought I’d provide this helpful size comparison of the Tom Bihn Guide’s Pack. Based on my preliminary observations, I’d say it’s somewhat larger than an iPhone and somewhat smaller than Mount Rainier.

The Tom Bihn Guide's Pack in my room at the Paradise Inn

Up above the tree line on Mount Rainier there’s a fine dirt everywhere so my beautiful new bag didn’t stay clean very long, as this shot from my room in the Paradise Inn shows. Which is good, because I haven’t been hiking enough the past couple of years and it’s a sign things are headed in the right direction. A dirty bag on the trails is better than a clean one in the closet.

The Tom Bihn Guide's Pack and Tripod Quiver on Rialto Beach

I was waiting for the sunset at Rialto Beach near the end of the trip and took a quick shot of the two new bags. The next morning I went to the Hoh Rain Forest and then drove back to my home in Portland. I’m not quite done getting bags, I’ve got my eye on an Aeronaut 45 for longer trips instead of my rolling suitcase, as at most of the places I stayed I had to carry the suitcase and the duffel/backpack style of the Aeronauts would have been much more convenient, and maybe an Aeronaut 30 and/or a Smart Alec for shorter trips.