Scratcher of heads, rubber of bellies
Sam in the cat tree, looking out of the window in my office, taken on the day after we adopted Boo in 2013. My mirrorless camera had just arrived so I was able to set it on the window sill and take the picture, I really like the freedom of camera placement that mirrorless cameras offer.
I woke last Thursday to our cat Sam walking on my chest. I checked my watch and saw that it was nearly 6 a.m. and knew my wife would be feeding the pets momentarily. I must have immediately fallen back asleep because I woke minutes later to our dog Ellie climbing in beside me, having just finished her breakfast, which doesn’t take long. She waits for me to get up because every morning after I make my breakfast I give her a dental bone, which has become her favorite treat.
Everything seemed normal in those first few moments until I remembered Emma died the night before.
I expected a wave of grief to follow but instead I just felt numb. Unable to go back to sleep, I went down to the basement to scoop the litter boxes and realized I was only scooping for two cats now, but I still felt numb and although I had planned to take the day off from work, began to wonder if I was going to be OK to go in after all.
But then I went up to the main floor to make my breakfast and saw a pen on the counter and started crying. Emma’s medications got complicated enough that my wife made a calendar of what she was taking each morning and night, and we’d use the pen to cross off the medicines as we gave them to her, and towards the end also wrote down her weight and how much baby food she ate each day.
As I walked to the cupboard to get my breakfast and Ellie’s bone a wave of grief hit me. My wife gave Emma her pills at her first morning feeding, which stressed her out enough that she wasn’t always able to eat as much, but she was ready to try again by the time I got up. She’d mill about my feet as I made my breakfast and then I’d sit with her in the kitchen to encourage her to eat as much as she could. So much of our lives towards the end revolved around trying to get her to eat, and now her absence broke my heart.
I grabbed my laptop and sent an email to work to let them know I was taking the next couple of days off. I still hoped I might be able to go in on Friday but I knew as soon as I woke that morning that I wasn’t ready. Each day brought healing and by Saturday afternoon I was ready to take down Emma’s beloved Christmas tree. Sunday I went up to my favorite refuge for part of the day, unsure of how long I’d stay, but I had some nice moments and it brought comfort as it often has before.
I’ve been back to work all week and while it hasn’t been my most productive week, I’ve done OK. If I get too distracted by thoughts of Emma I take a walk around the track across from my office, and had to take an especially long walk today, but it’s getting better.
Looking back through my pictures of her has brought as many smiles as tears this past week and has helped push me down the healing path. I took this picture of her last summer, a day after we adopted Boo and the day my mirrorless camera arrived, and was just playing around with the new camera. She’s asleep on the top shelf of the cat tree, I was laying on the ground shooting up towards the ceiling.
It still hurts that she’s gone and will for a while yet, but I’m so thankful for each day we spent with her.
I said, “ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?”
A true cat of the Pacific Northwest, Emma was a lover of trees. Two species in particular: the cat tree and the Christmas tree.
When Ellie and I got back from her evening walk to the dog park, I noticed all three cats watching us enviously from the open window in my office.
We have a cat for M. C. Escher, so why not one for Salvador Dali too? Taken one day shy of his one month anniversary with us, still skinny enough that he could pull off poses like this when he slept.
One of my favorite pictures of Emma, she was watching the scrub jays and flickers and hummingbirds that are regular visitors to our wildflower garden. She spends more time watching the garden than the rest of the household combined. While redecorating my office I tried to figure out a way for me to sit there instead, but access to the closet behind her was a sticking point I couldn’t get past. The cat tree fits in that space quite nicely though.
Besides, how could I deprive her of her favorite non-string related activity?
When I started reorganizing my office, I moved out an old printer stand that the cats used to sit on when they watched the birds in our garden, so to make amends I moved the cat tree into my office by the window. It towers above my chair so I now spend my days under the intense gaze of my very own gargoyle.
Your mind tricks will not work on me little one!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have the irresistible urge to dump a bagful of salmon treats all over my floor for no apparent reason.
Emma got her teeth cleaned over the break, and since it was her first time under anesthesia we were advised to keep her separated from the other animals for the rest of the day and keep an eye on her. I stayed with her in the evening in the guest bedroom and she was all over me, rubbing her head up under my chin, a temporary lap cat. Much like she was that first night we brought her home when she was so nervous, making me feel bad for her now, as I knew stress was driving her behavior.
My wife switched with me at bedtime as the other pets often sleep on me. Emma hates to be confined though and mewed loudly under the door and kept me from sleeping (but not, apparently, my wife). I eventually freed her and let her roam the house, but she decided instead to spend the night playing in our bedroom, grabbing little objects and then batting them around the hardwood. I got very little sleep that night but fortunately she was back to her normal self the next day and we both slept in peace once more.
Last weekend I took the ornaments off the Christmas tree and yesterday took the tree itself down. Emma has lost her favorite tree but her second favorite remains. I took this picture of her on the cat tree last year after I got my new camera, I was using her as my test subject for using the off-center focus points.
Boolie 